Compassion

Compassion

Are you compassionate towards yourself? How about others?

You have no doubt noticed that compassion is not a permanent experience, but an emotional state that you can recreate.

Self-compassion is a practice. Any practice that increases your loving kindness toward yourself is an act of self-compassion.

Self-compassion allows for greater self-clarity because personal failings can be acknowledged with kindness and do not need to be hidden. Self-compassion isn’t dependent on someone doing something for you or to you; it’s always available because it’s a gift you give to yourself!

Beverly Engel’s, The Compassion Chronicles talks about how practicing self-compassion can help you:

• Begin to generate compassionate feelings toward yourself and self-soothe yourself in positive ways

• Begin to replace self-criticism with self-kindness

• Begin to create a nurturing inner voice to replace your cold, critical, inner voice

• Begin to generate alternatives to your self-attacking thoughts

• Help you to develop an appreciation for yourself, including feeling pride in your accomplishments

• Encourage you to practice accountability versus self-blame, self-correction versus self-criticism

Exercises that strengthen your self-compassion

Consider how you treat someone else. 

Imagine what you would do if someone you cared about came to you after falling flat on their face or getting rejected. What would you say to that person? Now say these words to yourself as often as you need to hear them.

Make compassion a part of each day. 

Decide which compassion practices you are going to use today and daily hereafter.

Notice how you speak to yourself. 

It helps to pay attention to the words you use to speak to yourself. If you would not say the same statements to someone you care about, stop saying these hurtful words to yourself.

Comfort yourself with a physical gesture. 

Kind physical gestures have an immediate effect on our bodies. Simply putting your hands over your heart and breathing through and into your heart space is highly soothing.

Compassionate affirmations or mantras are powerful.

Kristen Neff suggests that you have some compassionate words you can speak to yourself. For example: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life and all human beings suffer. May I be kind to myself in this moment.  May I give myself the compassion I need.” You can create your own affirmations. One of the ones I use every day is I am Love, I am Loving, and I am Lovable. Susan Shumsky has numerous affirmative prayers in her book Instant Healing. One of my favourites is:

The light of God surrounds me.

The love of God enfolds me.

The power of God protects me.

The presence of God watches over me.

Wherever I AM, God is!

And all is well!

Exploring self-compassion through automatic writing. 

Everybody has something about themselves that they do not like; something that causes them to feel shame, insecure, or not good enough. In this exercise first reflect on some of the things you feel guilt or ashamed about. Perhaps it is something you said or did, or perhaps should have said or done, then write a compassionate, forgiving letter to yourself.

Modified self-compassion exercise (from Beverly Engel and others).

1. Close your eyes and think of one of your most shaming experiences from childhood. Now think of what you wish someone had said to you right after that experience. What would have been the most helpful and healing for you to hear at that time? Open your eyes and write this statement down on a piece of paper.

2. Close your eyes once again and place your hands on your heart. Now imagine that someone you care very much about is saying those words to you now. Hear those words in your ears. Take those words into your heart. Notice how those words make you feel. Now say those words out loud to yourself. Take a deep breath and really take in those words. How does hearing yourself say those words out loud make you feel? Open your eyes and take a deep breath.

Hearing those words of compassion can be healing. What matters is that you let the words in now — that you experience both the compassion from someone else and that you provide self-compassion toward yourself.